Tuesday’s Take: Looking back on Week 1

NFL Football is back and better than ever. Let’s skip the pleasantries and go right to the Week 1 story lines.

Arian Foster lived up to the preseason hype then tacked on an additional 100 yards for good measure. Colts linebackers looked lost and Foster’s one-cut style reminded many of Terrell Davis circa 1996. Sky is the limit and he’s the main beneficiary of being in a top flight offense. It’ll be interesting to see how Foster will fare this weekend against a formidable Redskins defense and a week’s worth of film.

Arrowhead Stadium hasn’t been this electric since Joe Montana was slinging the rock to Willie Davis. Javier Arenas, Dexter McCluster, and Jamaal Charles turned that game into a freaking track meet last night. Every good football team has a home-run threat. This team has four (don’t forget about rookie safety Eric Berry). Cassel only threw for 68 yards but no one seemed to care. Why does every west coast team struggle in the elements? San Diego had four chances to tie it with the game on the line and Rivers failed to execute. Memo to Phillip Rivers: drop the “aw shucks” routine from your post-game press conferences. LT is gone, V-Jax won’t come back and you just blew it against a division opponent. Step away from the L.L. Bean catalog and mix in a decent suit for once. There’s room for only one redneck quarterback in this league and his name is Brett Favre.

Minnesota's precarious Situation.

As for Favre, is he ever going to stop treating the NFL like a game of Madden? Forcing balls, refusing to check down, and tunnel vision are the types of things that make watching Favre so tragic yet so awesome at the same time. There’s your “How’d he do that?!” moments followed by your “Why’d he do that?!” moments. Favre’s 2009 was a lot like Jersey Shore season 1 because he vastly exceeded expectations and we were wildly entertained. If Minnesota season 2 is anything like Jersey Shore season 2 we’ll skip the live show and just wait for highlights (thanks Joel McHale). Perhaps Favre’s pants-on-the-ground bit was his jump the shark moment in Minnesota. Jersey Shore jumped the shark when it moved to South Beach. C’mon people, the name of the show is Jersey Shore.

Well look what the cat dragged in… Michael Vick is back and brought a full blown QB controversy with him. He stepped up in place of the injured Kolb (concussion) and led a furious comeback. The last time Vick rushed for 103 yards in a game rap music actually sounded good and sub-prime mortgage brokers were printing money. Oh the memories! After the game Vick stated “If I had been out there for four quarters maybe we would have had a chance to win the game”. How’s that for a headline?

They’re real and they’re spectacular: Foster, Jahvid Best, Matt Forte ver 2.0, the Renaissance of Jay Cutler, Hakeem Nicks, Wes Welker’s knee, and Trent Dilfer’s broadcasting skills.

He lives in a van down by the river.

Monitor the performance of Run DMC over these next few weeks before making a trade. Sure, that Oakland offensive line is turrrrrable but Darren McFadden’s receiving skills should off-set any disparity in the touchdown department. For the record, not enough has been said about how scary Oakland Raiders coach Tom Cable looks on the sidelines. He should’ve been there for Tony’s protection in that last episode of Sopranos. Cable needs to channel that bully mentality and use it to ride the officials more… it worked for Mike Tice in Minnesota. There’s not a single player on that team I’d take over Cable if I needed some back in a bar fight.  Cable could probably take on a whole biker gang Terminator 2 style if he wanted to. Forget the Chuck Norris jokes because this guy is for real. He’s also the only coach in the league who broke an assistant coach’s jaw to make his point. It’s a shame Cable can’t fight his way into the playoffs. Quarterback Jason Campbell is a modern day Scott Mitchell: every GM wants him to do well yet no one is smart enough to figure out why he sucks. Allow me to spell it out for you football “geniuses”– no quarterback should take four years to develop. It doesn’t matter how bad the line is or how many coaches he has. Did I really just burn 228 words on the Oakland Raiders? Sorry about that… they’re just so amusing and ironically awesome. What ever happened to James Jett anyway? That was a great name for a wide receiver. It reminds me of those fake names old video game programmers had to use when they lacked the NFLPA license. Honorable mention goes to former Raiders tight end Doug Jolley and Miami Sharks quarterback Willie Beamen.

The two wins that weren’t: A game-winning Calvin Johnson reception was overturned by an official review. The Bears are who the Lions thought they were and the officials let em off the hook! Roy Williams and his Cowboys teammates were too busy humping each other in the end zone to realize Alex Barron mugged his way toward a holding penalty that ended the game in favor of the Skins. “Never gonna give you up… never gonna let you down…”

The Cowboys were one of seven playoff teams that started 2010 with a loss. The others include Philly, Minnesota, the Hard ob-Knocks-ious Jets, Bungals, Colts (thanks Arian), and Bolts. Vick starting against the Lions defense this week should be entertaining. I don’t know much about betting but I know it’s never smart to bet against home underdogs vs. a division opponent. The Redskins, Texans, Chiefs, and Seahawks all won. Only the lowly Bills (+3) couldn’t cover against the Fish and lost 15-10.

Which weighs more-- 100 lbs or a jar full of nickels the size of Shonn Greene's head?

Sure it’s only one game but the Jets looked overhyped, overexposed, and over-everything. LT, not Shonn Greene, looks like the running back to own on this team. He essentially got benched Monday night in a game that was dominated by the Ravens defense. Is it just me or does he look eerily similar to Ken Griffy Jr. did when the nuclear accident gave him a giant head in that episode of The Simpsons? It’s gotta be hard to run full speed with that thing weighing you down. Examples like this are exactly why you don’t take chances in the first few rounds of fantasy drafts. Minimize risk and enjoy the guaranteed production. No one would’ve argued if you selected Reggie Wayne over Greene in the early 2nd round. At least you’d know what to expect on a weekly basis.

That sound you heard Tuesday morning was millions of fantasy footballers left-clicking their way to claim Packers running back Brandon Jackson off the waiver wire. Congrats if you landed him. Jackson will provide solid RB2 production as the featured back with incumbant starter Ryan Grant out for the season. Even before week 1 Mike Montgomery praised Jackson and suggested that he was fully capable of being a featured back in that offense. While Jackson may lack the pass-blocking skills of Grant, he’s a great receiver and has the ability to make secondary defenders miss in the open field. Be prepared to watch him run to the sidelines on long third downs. He’ll provide the cheddar in a tasty matchup with the Buffalo Bills this week. Prediction: 140 total yards and two touchdowns.

Week 2 survivor pick: Green Bay. Cheese wins over buffalo wings any day of the week.